Paula Stitz (kin) weaves a tall tale

Paula Stitz, hard at work as Arkansas's sex offender manager.
The fact that The University of Arkansas mascot is a giant pig's just a coincidence.

In the fairy tale Rumplestiltskin, a troll helps a girl out of trouble by weaving gold thread, a lie her father told the king, and in exchange Rumplestiltskin asked for the woman's firstborn. So the girl carries the king, has a baby, and Rumpy returns for his pay. The king tries to bribe him, but no, he wants the baby. He gives them a chance to win the kid back if they can guess the name. The queen spies on the troll, who reveals his name in a song. His big mouth causes him to lose his bet.

Today's bedtime story is about Paula Stitz.... kin.

Once upon a time there was a Police Chief in the tiny backwater village of Eureka Springs named PaulaStitz(kin). Paulastitzkin was fired from her police chief job and she sued to get her job back, claiming of all things, "sexual discrimination." PaulaStitzKin failed in her lawsuit. What kind of job could a disgraced crooked cop do? That is when the kingdom of Arkansas offered PaulaStitzKin a new job working on the state sex offender registry. After all, the kingdom could care less about their peasants and figured a crooked cop made a perfect fit.

Over the years, PaulaStitzKin went around the kingdom weaving scary stories to justify her job. She would say things like:

“The registry works. These people tend to work in the dark. We’re shinning a light in the dark corners.”

And...

"It makes my hair stand on end. I really believe that registering sex offenders and notifying communities about their whereabouts is important. I think it works. If they can fall through the crack, they will jump through that crack and try to disappear."

And....

"Monitoring sex offenders is like trying to herd a bunch of cats. They move around a lot, change their appearance, and try to find ways to make enforcement more difficult."

Soon people forgot about PaulaStitzKin's past as a crooked police chief and were mesmerized by her Predator Panic. PaulaStitzKin could hide it in the dark corners while going from town to town and weave her stories. So one day, PaulaStitzKin held a meeting in the village of Conway. PaulaStitzKin was called out on her lies. PaulaStitzKin tried to dodge these brave souls who had confronted her bullcrap. PaulaStitzKin ran away in terror, knowing the game was up. Will we ever see her again. Hopefully not. That would be a happy ending.

THE END

When Rumplestilskin was busted, he also ran away, never to be seen again. Arkansas needs to do the same with Paula Stitz. A corrupt cop should never have a job in law enforcement ever again. She is a bold-faced liar who spreads Predator Panic and is a disgrace to the state of Arkansas. Soo-iiieeee!